


wait until my heart heals

by stop_whining



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Adam Parrish Loves Ronan Lynch, Adam-Centric, Angst, Break Up, Drunken Shenanigans, Drunkenness, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, M/M, Ronan Lynch Loves Adam Parrish, Ronan is a sweet soft gay, Ronan owns his own bar, Sad with a Happy Ending, Sex, Slow Burn, Soft Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish, they're 23
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-03
Updated: 2019-10-03
Packaged: 2020-11-22 12:42:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20874383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stop_whining/pseuds/stop_whining
Summary: After a failed proposal, Adam is heartbroken. Feeling like he'll never recover, his friend brings him to The Greywaren, where he meets owner Ronan Lynch.





	wait until my heart heals

Adam had a feeling in the pit of his gut that maybe this wasn’t such a good idea from the start. When they both got up in the morning, Adam felt sick, not the stomach flu kind of sick, but the nervous kind of sick, the kind of sick you get when you’re about to face the unknown. 

** **

When Adam goes into their ensuite bathroom, Adam busies himself with placing just the right amount of Crest toothpaste on his brush, while Blue was fixing her hair. “Don’t make any plans tonight.” 

** **

Blue paused as she tried to fix a blue and purple hair clip, giving Adam a weird look. “Why?” 

** **

Adam cleared his throat, choosing to look at himself in the mirror instead of at his girlfriend. “I’m taking you out tonight,” Adam said, mouth full of foam. “I made reservations at that new Italian restaurant place that just opened.”

** **

Again, Blue said, “why?” with a furrow to her dark brows.

** **

And maybe that’s when Adam should have reconsidered. Fancy dinners at fancy restaurants that book months in advance, that wasn’t them. They weren’t  _ that _ couple, but for once Adam wanted to pretend that they were. What was the harm in treating him and his girlfriend of almost seven years to a nice meal? Especially on the night Adam would propose. 

** **

Just thinking about that word, that  _ damn  _ word, got him jittery. He spent months trying to find the right ring, went to jewelry store to jewelry store around the city. Blue wouldn’t like a huge diamond, she likes simple, minimalistic things when it came to things like jewelry. She didn’t like blingy  _ look at me _ things that showed off wealth. So, when he saw a simple thin silver band with a round diamond with two little gems at the sides, Adam settled on that and bought it. 

** **

Now, it’s sitting in his sock drawer, waiting for tonight. 

** **

Adam forgot to answer in his raging thoughts, and Blue poked Adam in the shoulder. “We always go out on Friday nights with the boys.” 

** **

Adam spat in the sink and turned on the faucet to wash it away. “Yeah, I already told them, they know.” Adam told Gansey first, to which the boy had no words, just a wide eyed blank expression, then a huge bear hug that lasted way too long. Henry was much more vocal, jumping up and down and screaming so loud Adam was scared he’d go fully deaf.

** **

Blue huffs. “Well, I wish you would have told  _ me, _ it’s not like I have anything fancy to wear.” She seems satisfied enough with her hair, and then walks passed Adam, shedding her sleep shirt and walking to her closet. 

** **

“You know you’ll look beautiful in whatever you choose,” Adam says, batting his eyelashes as he makes sure Blue watches. She gives him the finger.

** **

Adam brushes the tangles in his hair with his fingers until his hair is neat enough. He walks to his closet and grabs his light blue button up and gray slacks and undresses. Blue doesn’t say another word nor look at Adam once, she just walks out of their bedroom and Adam hears her messing around in their small kitchen. 

** **

_ Okay, _ Adam thinks to himself.  _ She looks excited.  _

** **

Adam sighs and grabs his wallet. His first class doesn’t start until ten-thirty, but Adam likes grabbing a coffee and bagel from the universities shop near his building. Adam’s in his second year of Law school, and in another year, he’s hoping to work at a law firm specializing in children fighting abusive families, wives or husbands fighting abusive spouses, anything having to deal with direct family issues. 

** **

Blue already has a good career, right after school as an environmental science major, she’s got a good job in the city working as an Ecologist, which she loves and is very passionate about. 

** **

They’re living just fine, they got a good apartment in a nice part of the city, they have enough money to support themselves, and they’re happy. Adam thinks they’re ready for that next step, and he’s excited to marry his high school sweetheart. 

** **

Adam smiles to himself as he goes to the kitchen, where Blue is packing her lunch. She has a slight frown on her face, she turns when Adam comes in, which Adam is worried about. 

** **

“Dinner reservations are at seven-thirty tonight,” Adam says, grabbing an apple from their fruit bowl. 

** **

See, they’re already like amarried couple that has a fucking fruit bowl on their kitchen island.

** **

“Sure, Blue says. 

** **

Adam leans on the counter, watching her. When Blue is upset, she gives short answers, and doesn’t maintain eye contact. Adam’s plenty familiar with her silent treatment, but Adam can’t deal with a testy Blue tonight. 

** **

“Do you not want to go?” Adam questions. 

** **

Blue shrugs, shoulders tense. “Don’t understand why you of all people would want to spend twenty-five bucks on a bowl of spaghetti.” 

** **

Adam furrows his brow, taken aback. “Me of all people? What does that mean?” When Blue shrugs again, Adam continues. “And I always get the chicken parmesan, you know that.” 

** **

Blue spins around, propping her butt on the counter. “You know that’s not the point.” 

** **

Adam tries to lighten the mood, not wanting to fight this morning on the most important day of his life. “All I’m saying is after seven years of dating, you should know my order when we get Italian. I know your order, I am very offended you don’t know mine,” he teases with a hand to his heart. 

** **

Blue groans, but quirks her dark full lips. Adam grins. “Yes, I fucking know your food order, Jesus.” 

** **

“Very well then. Dinner is at seven thirty.” Adam grabs his messenger bag from the dinner table and makes his rounds to Blue. He grabs her waist and kisses her cheek. Blue swats him away playfully and grabs the apple in Adam’s hand and stuffs it in his mouth. 

** **

He bites into is and chews with his mouth open, which is one of Blue’s pet peeves, so he makes sure he chews right in her face. “God, I hate you.”

** **

Adam laughs and shoulders his bag. “I’ll see you later, have a good day. Save the world like I know you will.” Adam backs away, keeping his eyes on Blue’s dark chocolate brown eyes. “I love you.” 

** **

Blue places her lunch inside her cooler lunch box with a smile. “Love you too.” 

** **

Adam walks to school with a pep in his step.

** **

***

** **

Adam usually has an internship job at the local law firm where he mostly does office work and filing, but he requested this weekend off, and they were fine with giving him those days off because Adam was a prime worker and was never late and never took days off before. Of course this was a special time, so Adam was happy to go home right after classes to pace himself. Maybe walk around the apartment thinking about what’s going to happen tonight. Of all the possibilities.

** **

Adam wasn’t going to propose in the restaurant. No, Blue didn’t like being the center of attention in a room full of strangers. One of their first dates Adam took her when they first came to New York was the Angels of the Waters Fountain in Central Park. They’d go later in the night where it would hopefully be less crowded with tourists, but Adam thought it was sentimental and romantic, the perfect place. 

** **

He should really calm himself down, and not psych himself out too much, but he couldn’t help it. Never in a million years did he think that he’d ever find love. If his younger self could see himself now. 

** **

He grabs his phone and pulls up Gansey’s contact info and wonders if he’s too busy to try and help Adam relax. If anyone can make Adam feel better, it’d be his best friend.

** **

Gansey answers the phone in two rings. “What’s up, tiger?”

** **

Adam snorts, walking back and forth in his bedroom. “Help me.” 

** **

Gansey’s quiet for a second. “Uh, sure. I’m here for you, Adam.” 

** **

“Thanks.” 

** **

Then Adam listens to Gansey’s breathing on the line and he finally stops and sits down at the edge of his bed. “So, I’m proposing tonight.” 

** **

Gansey chuckles quietly, and Adam chuckles back, a little bit maniacally. “That you are, my friend.” 

** **

Adam leans back, wondering if Gansey’s okay. “That’s it? That’s all you’re going to say,” Adam shakes his head in disbelief. “Where’s my Gansey speech? Where’s the excelsior and shit? I need your advice here, man.” 

** **

Adam hears him sigh. A slow in and out, like he’s pacing himself. “I don’t think you need my help, Adam. After tonight, I’m sure you two will be on your way to your happily ever after.” 

** **

“Wow,” Adam says quietly, almost to himself, his thoughts racing. “I never thought that would ever happen to me.” 

** **

Gansey sniffs and Adam snorts. “Don’t start crying, Gansey. She didn’t say yes yet.”

** **

“But she will, Adam,” Gansey’s says, voice breaking and hoarse. Adam’s not too surprised, his best friend is very emotional. “And you’ll be so happy, it’s what you deserve.” 

** **

Adam’s shocked to feel his eyes burning with unshed tears, and he laughs. “God, I’m gonna hang up before you start bawling. I’ll talk to you soon.” 

** **

The call made Adam feel much better and Adam was ready to stop freaking out a bit. Blue gets home in about two hours so Adam spends his time with school work, and when that got to be too much, Adam went in to his sock drawer, grabbed the black velvet box, and just sat on his bed and stared at it for who knows how long. 

** **

_ Blue Parrish-Sargent. Wow.  _ Adam grins to himself stupidly. 

** **

When his eyes got tired, he stretches his back and places the box carefully in his safe place and walks to his bathroom to shower. He’s honestly just wanting to waste time until Blue comes home but Adam’s feeling pretty impatient. 

** **

This day is dragging so much.

** **

He puts on the Shower Playlist Henry has made for their group and connects it to his mini bluetooth speaker Blue got him for a Christmas some years ago. A song, probably Madonna, Adam assumes, because you can’t have Henry Cheng doesn’t function life without Madonna. 

** **

Adam doesn’t mind, the music is just background noise anyways, a thing to help stop his crazy thoughts from unraveling him. 

** **

As he gets under the hot spray, Adam closes his eyes and lets his body relax, tight muscles unclenching, and smiles to himself. 

** **

When he met Blue at Mountain High school in Henrietta, Virginia, he’d never in a million years think that a beautiful girl like her would spare one glance toward Trailer Trash Parrish. They were only sixteen when they started dating, one miraculous day in Freshman Biology class when Adam purposely took his time waiting for Blue to ask her to hang out one weekend. The rest, as they say, is history. 

** **

Adam soon transferred to Aglionby Academy on a good scholarship where he met Gansey and then a little later, Henry. It took awhile for Blue to get used to the Raven Boys, but their tight-knit friend group is strong, more like a family to Adam, and he’s very lucky to have them. 

** **

They all decided on the beautiful exciting city of New York once they graduated, all spreading out to do their different things, but they still talk and go out regularly. Adam doesn’t know what he’d do without them. 

** **

His own found family. 

** **

He washes his hair with his pear smelling shampoo while humming to the Hozier song that rang throughout the bathroom, thinking about what their wedding would look like.

** **

They’d always thought big extravagant weddings were a waste, so it’d be a small, intimate affair. Maybe they’d go back to Henrietta At Blue’s home, with her big psychic family. It’d be crazy expensive to do everything in the city. And when? Blue’s favorite season is Spring, but Adam’s more leaning towards Fall, but as long as Blue’s happy, then Adam couldn’t give a fuck when they’d have it.

** **

Then Adam thinks about Blue’s wedding dress, what type of style she would go for. Knowing her, she’s going to create her own style, because she was fucking beautiful and creative and always stunning. 

** **

He shouldn’t be getting too ahead of himself. He still needs to go over his speech when he gets down on one knee. He thinks about her reaction, would she cry? Fall into his arms? 

** **

Adam leans against the tile wall, eyes closed in his fantasy. 

** **

Of what tonight will look like, going back to their home and getting under the sheets, staying there all weekend. 

** **

His dick twitches against his leg and he glides his hand down his stomach and tugs at his shaft, his toes curling slightly as he gives a pleasant hum. Blue’s chocolate brown eyes flash into his mind and he tugs again. 

** **

***

** **

Adam’s surprised that there was hot water in the apartment by the time he got out, relaxed and sated and happy. 

** **

Blue should be back home in about twenty, so Adam goes to the fridge and makes a light snack, not wanting to be stuffed for their big dinner, and Adam bets Blue will want to relax after the long day she’s had. 

** **

He piles on a few scoops of the hummus Henry made for them and arrances celery and carrots around the plate and brings it to the living room. He turns on Netflix and pulls on  _ Breaking Bad _ , which was the next show they were binging and pauses the episode to wait. 

** **

He grabs his phone from his jean pocket and sees a message from Henry. 

** **

**From Henry 4:48 pm **

** **

** _TODAY IS THE MOTHERFUCKING DAY AP. I CAN’T WAIT I’M SO PROUD OF MY DUCKLINGS. _ **

** **

**To Henry 5:04 pm**

** **

**Thank you Henry. I’m really excited.**

** **

And about to shit his pants. 

** **

**From Henry 5:04 pm**

** **

** _I can’t wait to plan your bachelor party winkwinkwinkwinkwink._ **

** **

Adam groans but smiles, because he knows Henry would never forgive Adam if he doesn’t let his rambunctious friend plan a boys night out. 

** **

Adam shifts quickly through the online news and social media until he hears the door open. Blue’s light footfalls enter the kitchen, hair astray as she dumps her lunchbag on the counter with a huff. 

** **

Adam smiles. “How was work?” He greets kindly. 

** **

“Ugh,” is her response. “I’m showering.” She begins to unclip her hair clips and starts to bustle her way into their bedroom.

** **

“I made us some snacks, we can watch the show before we go.” 

** **

Blue waves him off. “After. And don’t watch the episode without me.” 

** **

When he hears a door shut, Adam slumps back against the couch with a sigh. “Okay then.” 

** **

He grabs a carrot and runs a hearty amount of hummus and puts on a rerun of  _ The Office _ and waits until Blue finishes. 

** **

***

** **

The faster seven thirty approaches, the more sick Adam feels. After watching an episode on Netflix, Blue barely even glanced at him when she sat down. Adam had to scooch over two inches to actually touch her but she was tense the whole time.

** **

Adam was freaking out. He sent out a text to Gansey but his best friend hasn’t replied yet. Did she know? Blue was very perceptive of things. Adam thought he’s been doing a good job at hiding it. Oh my God, he hid the fucking ring in his sock drawer, how stupidly obvious was that?

** **

Adam looks at his reflection, he has crazed eyes, a bit too wide and scary looking. Adam counts down from ten slowly, breathing out. He’s fixed his satin black tie about a dozen times already, it can’t get any straighter. 

** **

Blue’s in the kitchen with her makeup mirror, because Adam kind of kicked her out of their bathroom in his panic, wanting a moment to himself. He checks his coat pocket, feeling the lump. The box that contains the ring in which he’s going to present to Blue, his future fiance. 

** **

Man, Adam’s going to get fucking  _ married.  _

** **

His head hangs low and he feels a tear stream down his face and he laughs. If Blue saw, she would smack him on the shoulder and call him a romantic wuss. 

** **

He makes sure his hair is as perfect as can be, his eyes aren’t too red, and he decides himself ready. 

** **

When he walks into the kitchen, Blue is leaning on one elbow on the counter, slowly applying eyeliner. “I can’t get this fucking cat’s eye right. How do woman do this every fucking day?”

** **

Adam snorts. “You don’t need all this makeup, you’re already stunning.” 

** **

Blue spins around, her midnight blue dress flaring out as she moves. She places a hand on her hip and pouts her lip. “If I hear one more compliment out of you, I’m stomping on your nice shoes.” Adam smiles smugly at the slight blush on her dark cheeks, barely there but Adam spots it anyways. 

** **

“Sure, whatever you say, you hideous heathen,” Adam waves her off. 

** **

Blue gives him a resolute nod. “Now that’s better.” 

** **

She finishes her makeup and takes her purse, stepping into her sparkly black flats and gives Adam a short nod, looking him up and down. “You look decent.” 

** **

“Gee, thanks.” Adam deadpans. Clearly, his girlfriend has never been into compliments, receiving or giving. 

** **

Adam takes his clammy hand in her soft one and they lock their apartment. It’s a nice night, but Blue puts her black cardigan right away because of the slight wind. 

** **

“How long do you think we’ll have to wait?” Blue asks as they walk down the street. The restaurant was three blocks away from their apartment. The gelato place a little farther down, but Adam thought it’d be good to have a light dessert before he pops the big question. His stomach twinges. 

** **

“We won’t have to. Booked a table for us.” Adam swings their hands together, moving to one side of the walk to avoid an elderly couple walking their small Pomeranian. 

** **

“I hope this isn’t costing us too much, we don’t need fancy dinners,” Blue says, leveling Adam with a serious look. 

** **

Adam rolls his eyes, feeling nervous that Blue would hate this entire night he’d planned for them. “I don’t think we’ll be kicked out homeless just after one nice dinner.” 

** **

Blue grumbles. “Okay, but we don’t  _ have to. _ ”

** **

“But we  _ can, _ Blue. Let me treat you for once,” Adam says, a little snappish. 

** **

Blue unintwines their fingers. Adam wants to snatch them back in his, apologize for whatever is making Blue act this way. She fluffs down her dress and they continue down the sidewalk in an uneasy silence. 

** **

_ Mistake mistake mistake. _ The thoughts inside Adam’s head will not stop chanting that one horrible word. 

** **

“You never tried Henry’s hummus,” Adam blurts out, just to say  _ something. _ “It’s really good actually.”

** **

Blue shrugs her shoulders. “Chickpeas gross me out.” 

** **

Adam hums as he raises his head to look up at the sky, feeling a drop of sweat on his forehead, he wipes it off. “Well I’ll just say you loved it, or he’ll throw a fit.” 

** **

“That’s Henry for you.” 

** **

Adam thanked a higher power when they arrived at the restaurant and were seated quickly. The waiter greeted them kindly and carefully poured them a glass of some type of red wine and handed them large menus. 

** **

“Getting your usual?” Adam asks as he scans the menu, feeling the ring box digging into his ribcage where it sat in his jacket pocket. Adam hopes this dinner lasts forever. 

** **

“Probably,” Blue says. “I want the gnocchi soup.” 

** **

Adam nods, “Get whatever you want.” 

** **

They order their soup and salad and entree, their usuals and Adam sips at his wine, taking in Blue’s expression of the restaurant as her eyes linger around the darkly lit room. 

** **

The only time Adam’s splurged on one of their dates was when they hit five years of dating, but this is so much bigger. Adam can stop moving his leg up and down rapidly. 

** **

“How was work?” Adam asked, because she never gotten around to answering, and Adam needs easy to follow conversation right now. 

** **

“Good,” Blue answers. “You know that one girl I’ve been training? She messed up big time today and…”

** **

Adam followed along as they slowly ate their food as it came. The portions were huge and Adam could hardly start eating his chicken parmesan as Blue talked about a joke Henry told her earlier in the week. 

** **

They got their remaining food to go, and they just sat at their table for awhile, digesting. 

** **

“C’mon,” Adam says, smiling. “Gelato time.” 

** **

Blues eyes widen. “You kidding me? This was way too much.” 

** **

Adam leads her out and Blue continues sputtering when they get outside. “Seriously, Adam. Let’s just go and watch Netflix.” 

** **

Adam shakes his head. “We can watch Netflix any day. The night’s young.” 

** **

Blue is quiet and Adam smiles to himself as he takes her limp hand in his own. In less than an hour, they’d be engaged. 

** **

He has a love that will last forever, which is something growing up he would never deserve, would never earn. Thinking of his parents, who’ve never shown him an ounce of love, Adam would never be like them.

** **

“Adam,” Blue says quietly, breaking Adam out of his thoughts. “Can we go home when we get gelato?” 

** **

Adam’s mind pauses, knowing something’s wrong by Blue’s voice. “You’re tired? We can after walking for a bit, it’s nice out.” 

** **

When they get to their favorite gelato place, which is always open late, Adam gets his oreo swirl with tons of hot fudge and pays for Blue’s chocolate with caramel and brownie bits. 

** **

Adam leads them slowly towards their final destination, towards the fountain. Adam people watches in the quiet silence, enjoying the different types of people the city houses. Adam spots a stray mutt wandering the emptying streets and feels a pang of sadness for the little guy. 

** **

He’d like to adopt a few dogs, maybe when they move into a bigger place that actually allows pets. Blue’s always had cats, but she doesn’t favor one over the other. 

** **

Blue finishes her dessert first, dumping it in a garbage can they pass. She shivers and Adam wants to give her his jacket, but she’ll notice the bulge of the ring box right away. When they find another can, he dumps his and wipes his mouth with his palm. 

** **

He brings them flush together, rubbing Blues arm to warm her up. He hasn’t seen her smile in awhile and Adam’s scared about the fact, and tries to change that. 

** **

They reach the fountain, and a few people are scattered about, but the night is cool and pleasant. They stop in front of it, letting the rushing water soothe Adam’s nerves somewhat. 

** **

_ Here we are. You’re about to pop the question Adam. _ Adam takes a deep breath, facing Blue, gathering their hands together. “You remember when we first went here?” 

** **

Blue gazes at the fountain and nods shortly, her lips in a tight line, eyes shimmering.  _ She definitely knows, and Adam was right, she  _ is  _ going to cry. _

** **

“We were exploring around, nervous and excited about finally moving away from Buttfuck Virginia, finally living our own lives. I was so scared that we wouldn’t make it in this huge expensive city, but we did. We made it work and look where we are, Blue. We have our friends, we have each other, and we’re making a great life for us, for our future.” 

** **

Adam gently brought a hand to Blue’s cheek, her lips trembling.  _ God, it’s happening. _ “I remember telling you how fucking scared this will explode in our faces, and you said,” Adam had to pause because he was tearing up too, watching Blue’s cheeks shine with tears, eyes on the fountain. 

** **

“You said we’ll conquer this fucking city,” Adam laughs, voice breaking. “Blue, I love you with my whole heart, I gave it to you when we were sixteen years old, and you kept it safe all these years.” 

** **

When Adam removes his hands from Blue’s they fall limp at her sides. Adam takes a shaky breath and goes to get the ring box in his pocket with a trembling smile. Adam takes a step back, Blue finally looking at Adam with a wide eyed stare, hands in fists. 

** **

“I’ve never believed this would ever happen to me,” Adam laughs wetly. Nodding his head while Blue shakes her own. He gets down on one knee, and holds the box up toward his future wife and starts to open it. 

** **

He opens his mouth, his vision blurring with happy tears. 

** **

“Please stop,” Blue trembles, her shaky voice cutting through his mind, moving to his chest, where he stops breathing. “Please get up, Adam.” 

** **

Blood is ringing in his head, and Adam isn’t sure he hears correctly. “What?”

** **

“Please let’s go home,” Blue begs quietly. 

** **

Adam blinks up at her, confused. “But I haven’t asked yet.” 

** **

Blue looks up to the sky and a sob breaks through, breaking Adam’s heart. “I don’t want you to,” Blue chokes out.

** **

Adam wants to pinch himself, get himself to wake up from the worst nightmare he’s ever had in his not-so-easy life. 

** **

“What?” Adam says again, blankly, not seeing anything but a blur. 

** **

Adam watches her numbly as she spins on her flats and walks/runs towards the sidewalk that leads them back to their apartment. 

** **

Adam gets up on shaky legs and follows a few steps behind her, clenching the ring box in his fist, steady tears and snot leaking down his face. His heart is loud in his chest, and Adam doesn’t know if this is real or not. 

** **

Seven years.

** **

And she didn’t say yes. 

** **

Fuck, didn’t even wait for Adam to ask. 

** **

Adam stomps down the street, look at Blue’s back and soon they’re in their apartment. Blue rushes towards their bedroom, and Adam closes the door. Seconds later, he realises he’s slammed it when Blue flinches. 

** **

He tosses the ring box on the counter on his way to Blue, because Adam’s guessing it’s not needed now. 

** **

Blue is tearing at her hair, crying steadily and Adam waits, his muscles tense because this night is quickly turning into something he’s never thought could ever happen to them.

** **

Blue explodes. “We’re only twenty-three, Adam!” 

** **

Adam raises his eyebrows. “That’s why? That’s the whole fucking reason you stopped me from asking you? That we’re too fucking young?”

** **

Adam can’t stop the slurs from spewing, at that moment he’s seeing red.

“Seven fucking years Blue. That’s not enough?” 

** **

Blue shakes her head. “I’ve told you  _ so _ many times that I never wanted to get married young. Fuck, you’re still in university!” 

** **

Adam waves his arms. “I’m almost done! Then I’ll have my career, we can move into an actual house, Blue! Start our lives!” 

** **

Blue stares at him, her shaky hand placed on her lips. “I’ve wanted to travel, I don’t want to settle down, have a perfect white picket fence house with our golden retrievers by twenty-five!” She stomps toward him and points a finger at him. “That’s always been  _ your _ dream.”

** **

Adam stares, speechless. “You told me, ‘oh Blue, once I get my degree, we can go anywhere you want to go!’ Is that still what you’re gonna tell me?” 

** **

Blue doesn’t wait for a response. “No! You’ll be working sixty hours a week, come home, cuddle on the couch like an eighty-year old man!” 

** **

Adam shakes his head. “What’s so wrong with that?” Adam sobs out a humorless laugh. “There’s nothing wrong with that.” 

** **

“You told me to go to college after high school, you promised so many things that you don’t want to do, fake promises to keep me with you.” 

** **

“Don’t tell me your not happy here, because you were fucking estatic about coming to live in the city,” Adam says, voice low.

** **

“I was happy. With you and Gansey and Henry,” Blue wipes away some of her tears, her cheeks black and smudgy with her mascara. 

** **

“So what’s the fucking problem?” Adam asks imploringly. “What’s the fucking problem with us.” 

** **

Blue steps back until she falls onto their bed. And slouches her head into her arms. Adam wants to scream at her to just fucking say something. He’s just waiting on Blue to squeeze Adam’s heart into dust. “I love you, Adam.”

** **

Adam bits his lip, digging his teeth in so it hurts. 

** **

“I just don’t know if it’s enough anymore,” She finishes quietly, clearly so Adam could hear the final words that will ruin Adam. 

** **

His legs give out, and his back hits the wall, sliding down on his ass as he takes a shocked breath. 

** **

It’s like a bullet to his chest, he stares unseeingly at his feet. 

** **

Blue continues, but Adam just wants to shut her out forever and curl on a bed and sleep until he doesn’t feel any of his pain anymore. “We’ve never been with anyone else, you know. Even when you told me you might be into guys, too, you wouldn’t give us a break to explore that.”

** **

Adam says darkly. “That’s because I love you. No one else fucking matters.” 

** **

Blue looks away again, eyes full of pain. “That’s not healthy, Adam.” 

** **

“Being faithful to you? Loving you wholeheartedly? That’s not healthy to you?” Adam smiles at her, teeth bared. “Fuck, I’m so sorry I didn’t want to be with another fucking person, I’m sorry you never got to fuck other guys, God I’ve been holding you down so much.” 

** **

Blue shakes her head, fumbling her shaky fingers in her lap. “You’re not being fair.” 

** **

Adam is going to puke staying here, listening to Blue rip his heart out over and over again with every word she says. “Okay,” he whispers. He stands on shaky legs and grabs a bag. “Be with who you want, because clearly, you can’t even fathom marrying me. Fuck who you want, I’ll pack my shit later.” 

** **

Blue gets up and grabs his arm. “We want different things, Adam. Can’t you see that?” 

** **

Adam ignores her, grabbing some clothes mindlessly and stuffing them inside his bag. 

** **

“I know you can’t understand this. I know you’re going to hate me, but a break will be good for us.” She’s really not helping. Adam walks faster. “Please, Adam, fucking say something.” 

** **

Adam spins around, looking down at her scared eyes. “What does a break mean, Blue? See what it’s like not being tied down to me?” Adam shakes his head. “Whatever.” 

** **

Adam walks towards the door, sparing a glance at the ring box on the counter before opening the door. “I was right all along,” Adam whispers, more tears spilling out. “Who could love me?”

** **

He watches Blue’s face break down and closes the door behind him.

** **

***

** **

Many people watched him as he walks down the street. What? Have they not seen a young man sobbing down the street aimlessly? Fuck them.

** **

He’s tried calling Gansey three times and finally leaves him a voicemail. “I need you,” He sobs out, biting his knuckles as he talks into the phone. “Why aren’t you answering when I need you?”

** **

He walks for twenty minutes, not knowing what to do. Gansey’s not answering, and then he thinks of Henry, and then he walks some more. 

** **

Henry lives on the sixth floor in a three bedroom apartment. It’s fancy and very Henry’s style. When he arrives at his door, he hesitates. 

** **

He doesn’t want to bother Henry’s Friday night. Hell, he might not even be in. It’s Friday night, after all. 

** **

But he takes his chance and knocks anyways. Then knocks a few more times when nothing happens. 

** **

“Just a second,” Henry's voice yells out and Adam bites his lip, ready to fall into Henry’s arms because fuck, his heart is honestly in a million fucking pieces. 

** **

Henry opens the door, shirtless, with only a pair of boxers on. Adam stares at him as Henry stares back, watching his expression flicker from confusion to disbelief to utter pain. “Oh, my baby.” His arms open and Adam collapses, sobbing and not caring that his snotting all over Henry’s bare shoulder. 

** **

Warm arms envelope him as they stand in Henry’s doorway. Henry’s soothing reassurances don’t make Adam feel better, because nothing will ever be okay again. 

** **

“Henry? What happened?” Adam’s blurred vision see a flash of pale naked flesh and then. “Oh, shit.” Then the man is gone. 

** **

Adam cries harder. He’s such a selfish bastard, ruining Henry’s night. “Come in, let’s get you bundled up and we’ll go to bed,” Henry says into his good ear. 

** **

“I ruined your night,” Adam cries out, following Henry as he tugs in inside his apartment. 

** **

“Baby, you’re not a burden,” Henry admonishes gently. He grabs a tissue from somewhere and wipes his face and nose.

** **

“Blue thinks I am,” Adam says, hiccuping pitifully. 

** **

Adam can’t take the pity in his eyes so he looks down. “She said that?” Henry asks in quiet disbelief.

** **

“No,” Adam says, laughing. “She said loving me isn’t enough. I’m not even fucking surprised. I suck.” 

** **

Henry tsks. “Stop it right now.”

** **

Adam shakes his head. “No, I won’t stop, because it’s true.” 

** **

Henry leads him into his bedroom. “Noah, get the bed ready.” 

** **

“I really thought I could love. For, like, forever.” Adam shakes his head. “Wow I can’t breathe.” 

** **

Henry pulls him against his chest, feeling light headed as he blinks in the too bright room. Everything white, it’s his aesthetic, Henry says. 

** **

Henry crawls under the sheets, beckoning Adam to do the same with an outstretched hand. “No more talking, darling. It’s time for crying and cuddling.”

** **

Adam let’s out another sob. “I want Gansey, he won’t pick up.” 

** **

Henry shushes him as they lie down, bringing Adam’s head down onto his chest with a gentle hand. 

** **

Behind him, he feels the bed dip and another strange pair of arms wrap around him, and a tissue appears out of nowhere. 

** **

“That’s Noah,” Henry introduces softly. 

** **

“Hi,” Noah says behind him. “Sorry you had to see me naked.” 

** **

Adam snorts, then he starts laughing until more tears leak out and then his loud sobs disturb the room. "She broke my heart." 

A light kiss is pressed to his forehead. "I know, baby. I'm so sorry." 

****   
  


**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is an idea I've had for a long while now, so I've decided to write it! I hope everyone who reads enjoys it, even though this first chapter ain't a happy one, and there will be sad times ahead for our baby Adam. But he'll find his love, don't you worry. It says slow burn for a reason, and don't we all love those! Ronan will be in the next chapter! :D Stay tuned. 
> 
> Tell me your thoughts, I'd be so grateful to hear them.


End file.
